Thunder & Costumes

I can't wait for Halloween! I want to go all out but I have no idea what I want to be. Everyone always wants to make their own costumes but I'm running out of time! Lyds sent me a picture of some wigs and I couldn't help but laugh at them.

Too hilarious.
I guess I could be a nerd because that would be pretty easy but I still kind of want to make a costume. dilemma dilemma.

Tonight I really longed for a cookie but no cookie came my way. Tomorrow I'm going to find myself a delicious one.

I hope it doesn't thunder as much as it did today. It was crazy. Last night I woke up at 6am because the lightening was too bright, how absurd. I dislike driving when it pours just because its so hard to see on the freeway. Also because there always ends up being an accident and I hate seeing that.

Chipper

I stumbled across this song on my ipod and even though I have no idea what she's saying, I would like to think shes saying exactly what I'm feeling.

I'm pretty excited to see my parents this weekend! It's been 2 months and I've wondered if my parents have aged. Maybe my dad has more white hair and maybe my mom is getting more wrinkles. Brownie is definitely growing more white. It's only been two months but the more I'm away from home, the more I realize that so much has changed. I become a guest when I go home and not a permanent resident. I miss out on the day to day things that happen in our family. It feels like I'm a family on my own and they are living their lives. 

Yesterday I had a great time at Disneyland and even when I was all Disneyed out, Disneyland surprised me.

What to be for Halloween?!

what is this?

my heart is racing. its called stress. extreme stress. i can't wait until this week is over. can we fast forward one week? then i can look forward to the same exact feeling in november and once again in december. why must you do this to me?!?

Me vs. Reality

How could I even possibly begin to describe how I feel? I'm on this constant roller coaster going up and down, going through loops and whatnots. Yesterday I loved it. I felt so good and happy. As I shared my struggles with unfamiliar faces, I realized that I'm not alone. I felt encouraged and stronger. She told me that there had to be a reason why I was still in the OC, why I am where I am.

Today is a different story. Once again I hit the bottom of the ocean floor and I forgot about the joy that I felt yesterday. Scary how quickly one can change. Sometimes reality really hurts. You realize that people only call because they need something, not because they want to know how you're doing. What happens when they don't need you? You get left behind because there is nothing that you can offer. Occasionally you get a text, a facebook message, a call but that slowly starts to fade away. Before you know it, its been 5 years since you've talked.

I've always felt like I was an optimistic person, maybe because of my dad. Lately I've been extremely pessimistic and this is got to change! I gotta get back to being me.

I miss my parents and my family. Even though when I was young my mom had to bribe me to go with her to SF to visit my grandma, I wish I was there right now. Going through her makeup and nail polish were the best. Now just sitting with her and watching dramas with her are the best.

This is how I want to feel. I smile when I see how much joy is in this picture.

I want to laugh like I did right before we took this picture. When it started pouring rain and we had to put our ponchos on in NY.

Reality bites hard.