Me vs. Reality

How could I even possibly begin to describe how I feel? I'm on this constant roller coaster going up and down, going through loops and whatnots. Yesterday I loved it. I felt so good and happy. As I shared my struggles with unfamiliar faces, I realized that I'm not alone. I felt encouraged and stronger. She told me that there had to be a reason why I was still in the OC, why I am where I am.

Today is a different story. Once again I hit the bottom of the ocean floor and I forgot about the joy that I felt yesterday. Scary how quickly one can change. Sometimes reality really hurts. You realize that people only call because they need something, not because they want to know how you're doing. What happens when they don't need you? You get left behind because there is nothing that you can offer. Occasionally you get a text, a facebook message, a call but that slowly starts to fade away. Before you know it, its been 5 years since you've talked.

I've always felt like I was an optimistic person, maybe because of my dad. Lately I've been extremely pessimistic and this is got to change! I gotta get back to being me.

I miss my parents and my family. Even though when I was young my mom had to bribe me to go with her to SF to visit my grandma, I wish I was there right now. Going through her makeup and nail polish were the best. Now just sitting with her and watching dramas with her are the best.

This is how I want to feel. I smile when I see how much joy is in this picture.

I want to laugh like I did right before we took this picture. When it started pouring rain and we had to put our ponchos on in NY.

Reality bites hard.